Interpersonal verbalizations (IPVs) are rare and, because we are socialized AWAY from expressing ourselves in such a manner, they are not “naturally” occurring in the adult social world of work, home, school, church, etc.
An interpersonal verbalization connects two people in this way:
One person (the speaker) observes another person (the observed) behaving in a particular way, right here, right now, and the speaker expresses the meaning he/she put to the observed person’s behavior.
That’s it.
I “code” IPVs. Sometimes I’m coding formally, such as when I am reviewing a video of an Interpersonal Growth Group meeting. Usually, though, my “coding” is just a way of going though and being in the world with others.
That’s how I know they are rare and not “naturally occurring” in the adult social world.
“Coding” is fancy for doing what referees are doing when they call “double dribble” or “pass interference” etc. “Coding” is high quality observation by someone trained to look for particular behaviors.
When I’m coding I’m looking for
personal specificity (that is, not broadcasting, not speaking to self, speaking to a single other person)
behavioral specificity (that is, describing or indicating in some way the behavior that is of interest in such a way that the speaker, the observed, and anyone witnessing knows exactly what behavior is being referenced
temporal specificity (that is, the behavior that is being referenced happened right here, right now in this particular time context, e.g. this class, this meeting, this car ride, etc.)
the speaker expressing his/her personal impact/meaning to the observed, that is, the impact/meaning that the observed has had on the speaker in the context of this present interaction
Places that are good for people tend to have a high tolerance for IPVs. In Interpersonal Growth Group meetings, the goal is connect interpersonally via IPVs with as many other persons present as possible, each and every meeting.
Specializing in the interpersonal concerns of individuals, couples, and families