IS THERE A GOOD FIT BETWEEN DR. HELMRICH (or an Associate) AND ME?
This is perhaps the most important question for you to answer.Why?Because it’s the 2nd best predictor* of how much you’ll get out of coaching or psychotherapy.(The best predictors are “client variables. Click here to read more – how to get the most out of therapy.) Scientists have expended quite a bit of effort trying to find out which “therapy” works the best for people.Probably most of us who coach and who do psychotherapy would like to find the “best therapy” and then we could just “do it” to people and everyone would get better.In fact, what study after study has shown is that, it’s not the particular kind of therapy that matters; it’s the therapist that matters. Train a batch of therapists to do 3 different kinds of therapy and turn them lose.The findings will show that a few of the therapists will do great REGARDLESS of the kind of therapy they are doing and a few of the therapists will do very poorly, regardless of the therapy they do. What’s the moral of the story? It’s not very important what kind of therapy your therapist does.It is EXTREMELY important what kind of person your therapist is and how well your therapist can do therapy. Now, exactly how do you find that out?
Start by asking people you love and trust for suggestions for therapists.They know you better than anyone and they may know a therapist or two that they think you could relate to. Call therapists and interview them.The content of the conversation is less important than the feelings you get when you are talking with the therapist.Good therapists will not mind at all that you’d like to interview them over the phone before setting up an initial meeting.They won’t be defensive and in fact they will probably like that you are sophisticated enough to ask for the phone interview. Read about them on the internet if you can.Check out sites that might rate them.
Eventually you’ll have to sit face-to-face to determine if this is going to work for you.And if you don’t feel a connection pretty easily and pretty quickly, do NOT wait to see if one will happen later.MOVE ON to the next therapist on your list until you find one where that connection exists. What I’ve done. For my part, what I’ve done with this website is upload a bunch of videos.Besides having some content that you can apply right now to your life, the videos may be useful to you in getting a sense of me and how I work with clients. If you don’t get a “good fit” feeling, then by all means, give up on the idea of getting coaching or being in therapy with me … but as I suggested before, don’t give up, yet, on the idea of coaching or therapy.Keep looking for someone you feel a bit of connection with. What are good therapists like? In general, the scientists have discovered a number of things about how good therapists do good therapy.Good therapists are able to “enter your world” and “get” what it’s like for you to be in your world.A good therapist will try to understand how you experience your world.Perhaps most importantly, a good therapist will try to understand, moment-to-moment what you’re going through and how your ideas, your feelings, and your behavioral habits are related to your current situations. Besides being able to “enter your world,” a good therapist will be able to be nimbly “jump back out of” your world, and from a place of healthy “detachment,” give you the kind of authentic, high quality feedback that most of us yearn for …as long as that feedback is given in a way that isn’t disrespectful of who we are. Good therapists are able to establish relationships with a wide variety of people and they are able to manage conflict better than most.They are less defensive than the typical person. Also, and especially important, they are able to “repair” the inevitable “ruptures” that happen in all relationships, including coaching and therapy relationships. Good therapists know the science behind human living and change processes enough to know where to start in general terms …but also appreciate the unique aspects of a situation enough to help you construct solutions that will work for you and those you love.Good therapists don’t operate from a “one-size-fits-all” vantage point.The researchers have discovered that good therapists are flexible enough to be able to collaborate with you on solutions that truly fit your unique situations. I imagine this may have sounded like a bit of “psychobabble.” It’s solid science, though, and hopefully, it will help you in your search for someone you can work with.